i love how the one person you try your hardest to be nice to is the one person who wants absolutely nothing to do you with you or you life. they say oh i care so much, but in reality they don't give two ripe fucks about you. they're nothing but tools who want to use someone else. I'm not a tool. i won't get used and i'm sorry but your lies really aren't fooling anyone but yourself. your trying to make yourself feel better with all these pussy retorts and reasons, but it doesn't work. i'm sorry you've turned into someone as petty as a cat's flea. I'm sorry you have no where else to go and you feel your alone in everything you do, but maybe if you started being, oh i don't know you, then you might be able to live with yourself and your actions, but no why would you do that. you know it's just what you tell everyone else to do. i'm sorry i'm the only one you feel you can lash out at, but i have my fucking mom for that. I don't need your shit. i have my life set and you can go fuck yourself when you fail out of school because you aren't willing to put yourself into anything but that online fucking commic. because i'm definitely the one that lost something here. NO. and it's not just me everyone else sees it. they don't know why but you decided to go and fool around with some bitch who has no fucking interest in you. I did everything i could for you. maybe i wasn't perfect, but you know what, at least i didn't give up when you where much under par of perfect. at least i was willing to try to fix it, all you did was say i'm sorry this hurts me alot, i'm sorry but i just i just. i'm sorry, i just don't feel the same. I'm sorry, i just feel wrong, i'm sorry. no its not my fault. NEWS FLASH DIPSHIT!!! it is your fucking fault.

petty issues are worth nothing. winning them means the bigger person stepped down and you weren't them. fighting of something the other is oblivious to is ridiculous. if you have to stay in a fight to keep yourself from feeling like shit then your a pathetic ingrate. i think people should realize when a fight is worthless, but half the time they don't. move one. go suck a dick and wake up to some bright tequila puke. maybe the hangover from your wild night will wake you up and realize how stupid you've been. I don't care who you are you can look back at many fights and say wow why did we fight over that. then you think well i won... then I want you to think if i won a fight i can't even remember what type of victory was it???

A KISS

A small gesture. A want or desire, a feeling or passion, a gentle coddle for those lonely days. what marks a kiss, who decides what they really mean? How do you know if a simple kiss on the forehead is worth anything? Today marks the two month anniversary since me and my boyfriend broke up, and i was having a rough day. He's protective and sweet and wants everyone to be happy and bouncy and doesn't seem to realize that's not life. he tries to comfort me as a best friend would, but at the very end he says hang in there ok? rubs my shoulder while kissing my forehead. we've been having a somewhat uneventful friends with benefits happening as well. is this simple kiss a touch of hope for us to be more than just friends? is it just a short i'm here for you? am i reading too far into this? if you have an opinion out there please respond even if its like months since i've posted this blog, i really need the advice.

Christmas Cookies

When Baking:
Flour is your best friend
Clutter is your worst enemy
&& If you don't have enough space, they will turn out horribly,

I was making cookies with my grandmother for the past two days. the batch of sugar cookies where okay, It took me forever to realize I needed more flour, The peanutbutter cookies took me forever to realize how ling they needed to cook.

They both ended up rather.... eh. Could've been better. But hey, for a first try... they where pretty dang good.

choices!!!

that huge decision: To Move on or let lie...

Move on and:
Everything changes
you lose people
you find new people
you wish you had the old ones back
you hope to find a new love
you hope to find a better outcome


to let lie and:
you don't fix anything
you sit and hope time does all the work
you wish that you had a way out
you hope to have someone to smack you upside the head and tell you what to do
you take in all the misery of routine




Life doesn't work this way:
there's no set and stone.
you can change anything don't wait for an opening, make your own.
don't subdue yourself to the thoughts and beliefs of someone else because you're scared of them. do what you want when you want and have a blast.

Life isn't about making it into the ground all neat and tidy,
It's about sliding in sideways,saying: "man what a ride"

to cope with yourself

I often find myself trying to find a way to express myself without flat out saying what ever it is I want to be heard. seems insane doesn't it? don't deny it, it's true. it doesn't make sense. but I find that listening to music often gives you an underlying meaning yes? It says something you wont hear unless you spend days or even years listening to the same song over and over again.

ok that was a rather random intro but the point I was making was, find a way to express yourself, whether it be listening, playing, or writing music, or if it has nothing to do with music, don't neglect it. even if its role playing. do it. have fun with it. let go. be crazy.

everybody needs to be who they want to be.

who am I?

when life gives you lemons make apple juice. literally.

when someone asks why do you... how do you respond:
I don't know. I just do
It's habit.

why not say:
because it's who I am. if you don't like it then let me alone.

well you see when people respond like that they feel they're being mean, but in all technicality it's true isn't it? if you do something it's because its some how connected to who you are yes? why do we worry so much about whether or not people find us mean? why don't we just say screw it all?